December 21, 2005

actual things people in this house have said to me (unprompted!) in the past 24 hours, in order but without any context

Charlie: ‘I went pee pee! Standing up! All by myself! And then I washed my hands! With soap! See, I did everything I was supposed to.’

Henry: ‘I want my hair really short. So it doesn’t stick up AT ALL. Like I had it when I was three.’

Wade: ‘I don’ t know how you do it all day with these kids. I’m here for an hour, and they’re driving me crazy.’

Henry: ‘Being with my family is the best Christmas gift of all.’

Charlie: ‘Oh no! Mommy, I fregot to get you a Christmas present!’ Followed by: ‘Mommy, you’re going to get LOTS of Christmas presents! From ME!’

Wade: ‘Everyone in my office has been giving me wine. I told them you would appreciate it.’

December 20, 2005

look! something resembling a Christmas post! ho ho ho!

Charlie had his last day of school until after the New Year yesterday (sob). It was Pizza Day, which meant that instead of preparing a nutritious lunch I just dug through the ashtray in my car until I scrounged up $2.50 and flung it at his teacher on my way out the door. Have I mentioned how much I love Pizza Day? Or how much I hate making a lunch?

Anyway, in addition to Pizza Day, Charlie’s class had a birthday party for Baby Jesus, complete with a cake! with sprinkles! and chocolate icing! and a candy cane! I guess religious fervor and a sugar high are pretty much the same thing when you’re three.

They had a substitute teacher in his class yesterday, and she was a little startled by how much Charlie ate. ‘He had two whole pieces of pizza!’ she told me, awe-struck. ‘And a HUGE piece of cake!’

‘And I had some fish crackers, too,’ Charlie reminded her, ‘and raisins.’

She just stared at him. What, she’s never seen a three-year-old who eats? Like an NFL player, yes, but still!

Charlie, as we all know is a painfully slow eater; one time, at school, he took so long finishing his lunch that his teachers put all the other kids down for a nap and left him sitting at the table, in the dark, eating away. Tonight, when Wade said to him, ‘What did you do at school today, buddy?’ he said, ‘I ate my lunch in the dark!’ and Wade said, ‘AGAIN?’ and Charlie laughed. No, he didn’t eat in the dark, but he did eat all the food in the world, apparently.

And finally, there was this: in the car on the way home, Charlie said, ‘We had a birthday party for Baby Jesus.’

I said, ‘Did you sing Happy Birthday?’

‘Yes,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘but we didn’t see Baby Jesus. He wasn’t there.’

Now I’m all worried that he’s going to start asking where Baby Jesus is and how old he is and all that stuff. I wonder how long I can keep distracting him with candy canes? Maybe if I make him eat in the dark . . .

December 19, 2005

for those of you playing along at home

Get out your scorecards: here are the current Friday Playdate Illness Stats. All statistics are current for the period beginning Monday, December 12 and ending Monday, December 19.

Total number of diagnosed medical conditions in the Friday Playdate Household: five (three strep infections, one earache, one case of pinkeye*)

Total number I diagnosed correctly BEFORE consulting with a medical professional: four (I missed Charlie’s ear infection–then again, I am not a doctor, so four out of five is pretty good, yes?)

Total number of adults in this house NOT diagnosed with something contagious: one (guess who! because you know it’s not me!)

Total number of prescriptions filled: four (Charlie just got one, but it’s a REALLY high dose)

Total number of trips to the Walgreens drive-thru pharmacy: six

Total number of concurrent trips to the Starbucks drive-thru: two

Total number of times someone in this house will require antibiotics during this 24 hour period: 12 (including four rounds of eyedrops for Henry)

Total number of children who have had to be physically restrained to have a throat culture: one

Toal number of children who have had to be physically restrained to have eyedrops instilled: one (hey! same kid! guess who!)

Total amount spent in co-pays in the past week: $75.00

Total amount spent on prescription drugs: $57.99 (thank god for generic antibiotics)

Total number of days in the past week that I have NOT talked with someone affiliated with my pediatrican’s office: ONE (including Saturday, when I spoke with a nurse at the triage line, and Sunday, when I saw my pediatrican IN PERSON, in her office)

Total number of days between now and January in which BOTH my children will go to school at the same time: ZERO

Total number of organs I have potentially damaged by brazenly disregarding the dosing information for both acetaminophen and ibuprofen: three (both kidneys and my liver)

Total Christmas Spirit I am channelling these days: None. Nada. Zip.

Total amount of $100.00 Harold’s gift card I spent yesterday in an effort to recapture my Christmas spirit: $86.67 (these trousers in black and a long-sleeved black t-shirt)

Being sick at the holidays: Priceless. But not in a good way.

*I am MORALLY CERTAIN we will have a second case of pinkeye going here in the the next 24 hours. Mark my words.

December 16, 2005

playdough is good, and so are crayons

“We own everything electronic that’s educational - LeapFrog, Baby Einstein, everything,” said her mother, Naira Soibatian. “She has an HP laptop, bigger than mine. I know one leading baby book says, very simply, it’s a waste of money. But there’s only one thing better than having a baby, and that’s having a smart baby. And at the end of the day, what can it hurt? She learns things, and she loves them.” (See Baby Touch a Screen, but Does Baby Get It?, The New York Times, December 15, 2005)

I am fascinated by the current Build a Smarter Baby Brain trend, by the lengths to which parents feel compelled to go to give their progeny an edge. Frankly, this idea that ‘there’s only one thing better than having a baby, and that’s having a smart baby’ makes me almost unbearably sad. I have a smart baby–I have two, actually, but one is, I think, the uber-smart baby that these parents are hoping for, striving for. And I want to say to them–be careful what you wish for.

Henry tests in the 99th percentile for verbal ability; he knows more words than most children his age, and can use them to form grammatically complex sentences and paragraphs. His rote memory is off the charts; the doctor who tested him said, ‘It was amazing! I kept doing the test because I couldn’t believe how much and how perfectly he could remember!’ Yes, we said, we know. When he comes across a new word, he will ask us to define it, to use it in a sentence, often to spell it for him. He will incorporate it into conversation. One day last year, he went to school in a Spiderman t-shirt. Another boy in his class had on a different Spiderman t-shirt; Henry told his teacher, ‘Jack’s shirt has a picture of Spiderman, but my shirt just has his logo.’ He was right, but how many four-year-olds know what a logo is? Henry does, because he had been asking about the picture on my Starbucks coffee cup, and I told him, ‘That’s their corporate logo.’

Admit it–some of you are envious. You want to know what we did to build his vocabulary, how we taught him to contextualize and utilize all those words. It had to be more than just a casual conversation about the picture on my take-out coffee cup! Flash cards? Computer games? Tutoring? Wait–just wait.

Rote memory: Henry remembers everything. He can recite dialogue from movies, accurately, with proper inflection and, often, accent. He can recite entire picture books. He has memorized large sections of the Winnie the Pooh stories. He knows the words to every song on In My Tribe by 10,000 Maniacs. When he cannot hear clearly what the words are, he asks. And then he remembers them. He will sometimes sing Hey Jack Kerouac in the bathtub. He has excellent pitch, too, and a nice singing voice.

Again you are thinking, how did we do that? What is the secret? Because my god! How wonderful to have such a smart baby! He will certainly do well! Be successful! Make you proud!

But what you don’t see is this: Henry has been diagnosed with nonverbal learning disability. His verbal aptitude is remarkable, but his pragmatic language skills–his ability to understand tone of voice or facial gestures or even the simple conventions of conversation–are simply average. He can wax eloquent about Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, recounting the events of the plot in great and accurate detail, but he cannot tell you why Harry and Ron would take on a mountain troll to save Hermione, or why Ron would sacrifice himself in the chess game, or why the touch of Harry’s hand is fatal to Professor Quirrell. He does not understand how language is used to construct relationships; he cannot infer when someone is angry or amused or embarrassed. Because of this, he struggles with basic social interactions. He becomes frustrated, this overly verbal child, to the point of catastrophic tantrums, when other people cannot understand what he is talking about, or don’t share his interests. ‘Why doesn’t Luke like superheroes?’ he asked me this summer. ‘He just doesn’t,’ I said. ‘But I do!’ he said, clearly baffled. ‘And Luke is my best friend!’ ‘Okay,’ I told him, ‘but Luke likes a turkey sandwich. Do you like turkey?’ ‘No,’ he said. ‘You know I don’t like turkey.’ ‘Well,’ I said, ‘different people like different things.’ He thought about this. ‘But why doesn’t Luke like superheroes?’ he asked again. And we went on and on like this, all summer, until Luke finally decided to like superheroes. But Henry couldn’t understand how Luke, who is his best friend, could not like what he did.

When we tell people about Henry’s disability, the first thing they say is, ‘But he’s so SMART!’ And then they talk about his verbal skills. One friend said, ‘But he will do fine in school, won’t he? How can he not, he’s so smart!’ And the answer is, he will and he won’t. Math may be a struggle for him, especially word problems. He will have trouble gleaning the meaning of what he reads, despite his ability to memorize the actual text. He will struggle with social skills. He may be teased. With tutoring and therapy, in the right school, he will do fine. But it will not be easy, even though he is so smart.

I read about parents buying computers for their babies, hoping to give them a head start, to teach them letters and numbers and reading and counting before all the baby books say they should be doing those things. I have a friend whose son, on his own, was reading before he was two; I remember feeling envious when, at two, Henry was barely talking. But my friend’s son was subsequently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (one characteristic of which is hyperlexia, or early reading). I sometimes wonder, when I take Henry to story time or out for coffee or other places where people see him and hear him talking with me, in his very sophisticated and grown-up way, and comment on how smart he is and how they wish their child spoke like that, knew all those words–I sometimes wonder if those parents have any idea what it means to have a child who is gifted, who is, truly, so very smart. If they have any idea that this smartness is a complicated gift, or that the real gift is to have a child who is healthy and happy and who knows that he is loved unconditionally.

We did not do anything special with Henry–no flash cards, no computer software, no tutoring. This is just the way his brain works. What I want to say to the mother in the article, the one who wants the smart baby, is this: enjoy the way your child’s brain works–play with her, talk to her, value who she is. Don’t try to reprogram her. Just love her.

December 15, 2005

if I could, I’d give every single one of you a new car

I have risen from my sickbed to rejoin the human race–okay, no, there was no sickbed. Are you kidding? With two small children? Although I did go to bed at 5:30 on Monday night, and stayed there until 6:15 Tuesday morning. Ahhhh . . . Anyway, I’m feeling all better, as is Charlie, who rubbed us both with his binkie last night and said, ‘Now our sick is gone!’ Who needs antibiotics? We have Clean Binkit!

The past three days have been about the most boring of my adult life, what with the sick and the lethargic and the contagious. We have watched 2,000 hours of PBS Kids and Playhouse Disney, plus Madagascar three times (maybe it was all the Tylenol, but my god is that a stupid movie! Except for the penguins. The penguins rock). Yesterday I went to SuperTarget to get groceries, and spent the entire trip answering my cell phone, fielding Important Calls from my mother and mother-in-law who wanted to know things like what the thread count of my guest room sheets is and if three-year-old preschools require complete potty training (the answers were 250 and yes). Charlie finally got bored and started piling our cart full of age-inappropriate video games, so we came home. Day over! Time to rest! And take more Tylenol! Hooray!

Today I finally feel like my real self again, which is good because today is officially the Longest Day of the Friday Playdate Holiday Season. Yes, I realize we’re just hours from the Winter Solstice–that’s not what I mean. Wade left for work at 6:30 this morning for a 7:30 meeting; he has an office holiday party tonight at 7:00, so I won’t see him again until Tuesday. Just me and the kids! All day! Except for the two hours that they’re both in school! Fortunately, I am all better, thanks in large part to your fantastic lists of your favorite things (if you haven’t done yours yet, get cracking). I had so much fun reading them, especially through my ibuprophen haze. Thanks for cheering me up!

And now, with no further ado (what the hell does that mean, anyway?) here are a few of my favorite things . . .

Things to Indulge In

Cashmere from J. Crew. Don’t those colors make you happy? And it’s sooooo soooooooft.

Love the J. Crew shoes. All of them. Especially the really really impractical ones.

This turtleneck. Gap has them every year, in fabulous colors. And the best part? By Thanksgving, they’re on sale for half of the original price!

These corduroys from Old Navy. Comfy and machine washable.

From Clinique: this lip balm, which really DOES moisturize! And this lip gloss which is an easy alternative to lipstick (I don’t do well with lipstick, for some reason. Go figure).

Things to Savor

Teas from The Republic of Tea. I am partial to the Vanilla Almond and the Matte Latte, or the British Breakfast for something more conventional.

This chocolate cake.

The Sunday New York Times. Yes, we love to hate it, but really, with a nice pot of coffee on a lazy Sunday, it can’t be beat. At least not in Oklahoma.

Things for the Kids

Playmobil toys. The boys are getting the knight’s castle and the pirate ship for Christmas (and before you start e-mailing to say how expensive these toys are and how spoiled my kids are, there is some wierd thing about the pricing at the Playmobil site–we found these at Target for under $30.00 each. Because I love my sons, but not $150.00 worth of love. I need that money for shoes and cashmere). This favorite thing comes with a disclaimer: Playmobil toys have a lot of small parts. I cannot emphasize this enough. They have a LOT of SMAAAAL parts. Parts that will constantly fall off and go missing, causing your child to cry and forcing you to crawl under the sofa and wonder if you should REMIND the cleaning lady to clean UNDER the furniture because what’s with the dust bunnies and fish crackers living under there (or maybe that’s just me). And these particular toys will require that Wade and I stay up all night Christmas Eve assembling and swearing (and probably drinking, which makes the assembly even harder). But! My boys have had hours of fun with their Playmobil pirates, and I’m all about anything that encourages imaginative play. Whew.

It’s a little cliched, but still: I’m all about the Harry Potter books. They are beautifully written and they teach courage and loyalty and the importance of doing your homework. Henry is getting these books as well this Christmas (although we’re having a bit of a hard time convincing him that there is no real quiddich. Charlie is getting a stuffed Hedwig the Owl (come on, he’s three! And it’s SOOO cute).

Things Money Can’t Buy

baby yawns

the way my kids smell when they have been playing outside

having my back scratched

reading to my children

homemade banana bread (I have a great recipie, my grandmothers–ask nicely and I might share)

my vintage watch collection (three watches, one from each of my grandmothers and the watch my mother wore when I was a child. I love them and wear them all the time)

coffee dates (the kind that last three hours and four cups of coffee)

e-mail from people I wish I could see every day

clean laundry

cocktail hour

And finally, and perhaps most of all, this website and the wonderful people who read and write here. Happy Christmas to all! And I mean it this time.

December 13, 2005

I wonder if Oprah ever gets this sick?

So I have a strep infection–fine. Charlie, not to be outdone, has strep AND an ear infection. Any bets on what Henry will wake up with tomorrow?

This morning I told Wade, ‘There will be no Christmas. I spent all the shopping money on co-pays and prescriptions.’ And for once, I’m not joking.

Because I am Holiday Spirit Impaired this year (can you blame me?), I’ve been trying to think of a fun Friday Playdate game to get me in the mood for gifting. Here’s what I’ve come up with: let’s play Our Favorite Things. You know, like Oprah. Tell me what three or five or ten of your favorite things are. List them in the comments, or make a whole post at your site (but tell us if that’s what you do, so we can all read your list). There are no rules about what to list–what are your favorite things? And I swear, as soon as the germs in my house go away, I will come back and tell you about my favorite things (right now the list includes fast-acting antibiotics, Tylenol, and my sweats, none of which are very exciting). Happy Christmas!

Now get cracking.