In the August issue of Vanity Fair, there is an article about Elle Macpherson, which includes, of course, the necessary Elle’s Beauty Tips sidebar. While I don’t typically quote things like this here, I’m going to do it today. You’ll see why.

VF: What kind of beach bag do you carry?

Elle: A cream linen Melissa Odabash with zebra print inside.

VF: What’s in it?

Elle: Sunscreen, and iPod and speakers, bathing suits by Melissa Odabash and TNA, a cowboy hat, and Chrome Hearts sunglasses.

I’m fascinated by all this. Cream colored linen? Really? Doesn’t it get dirty? And she takes her iPod to the beach? Doesn’t it get sandy? And what does she do with it–does she just set it up on her towel? And where IS her towel? And what about her kids? Where is all of THEIR stuff? (Yes, I know, the nanny has it.)

So it got me thinking . . .

VF: What kind of beach bag do you carry?

Me: An oversized lime green plastic mesh bag, from SuperTarget. It has pockets on the outside so the wet things don’t touch the dry things.

VF: What’s in it?

Me: Sunscreen, swim diapers, regular diapers, wipes, changing pad, ziploc bags (for the diapers), sunscreen, glasses case (for Henry) sunglasses (for Charlie), two snorkel masks and snorkels, four pairs of Speedo goggles, two straw cups, kleenex, antibacterial hand wipes, chap stick, ten dive toys (you know, to throw in the pool and pick up from the bottom), my Ohio State baseball cap, my keys, wallet, and cell phone, and a yellow rubber duck. Oh, and towels for the boys. Today we had one that looks like a shark and one that looks like a frog. From Gymboree.

I would post a picture of my bag, but frankly, I’m embarassed by how huge and green and plastic it is. And how much crap I have in it.

And I’m depressed that I actually NEED all that crap to go to the pool.