April 21, 2005

file under: people unclear on the concept

Because I bought Judith Warner’s Perfect Madness, a book that criticizes the notion that being a good parent isn’t good enough, the nice people at Amazon.com have recommended Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years, a book that begins with Nine Principles for the Parenting Journey:

“Principle 1: As parents, it’s important that we hold a vision of the kind of parent that we want to be and that we strive to achieve that vision in our daily lives.”

Wow, is that all it takes? A vision? I suppose I should try that. Right after I finish my drink.

today, I . . .

dropped Henry at school, took Charlie to Starbucks, dropped Charlie at school, picked up paint chips at Lowe’s, got a new driver’s license, ran to Target to buy a curtain rod for Charlie’s room, a valance for the guest room, and a new cover for my ironing board, stopped at Sears to pick up paint chips, ran by my house to pee, discovered that I had left the curtain rod at Target (AFTER I paid for it), zipped off (with the gas light in my car on) to pick Henry and his friend Hayden up at school, drove to Hayden’s house for lunch and a playdate, during which I forced Hayden’s mommy to help me pick out paint for Henry’s room (thank you, JR!), hopped on the turnpike and raced around town to pick Charlie up at school, filled the tank in my car, returned Toy Story to the video store, buzzed over to my in-laws’ house to play with my sister-in-law and our neice (who are here from Houston), piled the boys BACK in the car and returned to Target to reclaim the curtain rod (which was WAITING FOR ME AT CUSTOMER SERVICE oh god how I love Target), ran into my friend Torrey, hugged her and promised to get together soon, mangled my way home through rush-hour traffic, threw the boys in the bathtub, plopped them in front of a movie, talked to my mother on the phone, heated up leftovers for everyone, read the boys’ stories, stuffed them into bed, touched up the paint in the guest room (because yes, it ALREADY had a ding in it damnitalltohell), mopped the kitchen floor, poured a big glass of wine and sat down to write.

Whew.

Wade, on the other hand, sat next to Vince Gill at lunch today.

Just another typical Thursday at my house.

April 20, 2005

like a smart bomb, only less destructive

Charlie: ‘I give you a kiss.’

me: ‘Okay.’

[kiss]

Charlie: ‘That was a SMART KISS!’

(Note: I don’t know what was so smart about the kiss, but it was way better than the ’spit kiss’ he was so interested in giving everyone last week.)

April 19, 2005

paint therapy

I’m beginning to love my house again. Oh, sure, it still has issues–like the broken spigot in the boys’ bathroom, and the sink in the boys’ bathroom, and the tile in the boys’ bathroom, and–okay, the whole damn bathroom, really. And there’s the Bermuda grass, which is a WEED, people, it doesn’t even grow straight up, it grows to the SIDE for god’s sake, and it makes Charlie itchy. And there’s the horrible horrible teal green carpet in all the bed rooms and the leaky windows and the porch, oh the porch! the porch!

Ahem.

But all that aside, I really am falling in love with our house all over again. Charlie’s big boy room is finished, and the guest room is finished, and I’m going to paint Henry’s room this weekend (because he keeps asking in his cheery Henry voice, ‘When are you going to paint MY room, Mommy?’) and it all looks fantastic, if I do say so myself. Charlie’s room is the biggest success so far, because it let us move ALL THE PLASTIC TOYS out of our family room (which will no longer be referred to as ‘the playroom’, thank you very much). I had actually forgotten both how big and how lovely our family room is; this morning I sat on the sofa with a cup of coffee and gazed a the wood floor (which you can SEE now that it’s not covered in toys!) and remembered why we bought this house in the first place. Leslie came in yesterday and said, ‘Everything looks new!’ And it feels new, which is wonderful.

I think I needed a little new in my life just now. I am so worn down by the day-to-day of mommmying–the same lunches, the same laundry, the same tantrums, even the same conversations (about superheros! and their powers! and their costumes!). And then there are the really worrisome things, the stuff that keeps me awake at night and makes it even harder to mangle my way through the Groundhog Day of my life: Henry’s eyesight (he failed an eye test at school, while wearing his $300.00 glasses), the letter from the mortgage company saying that our homeowner’s insurance may–or may not–have lapsed (which of course came in Saturday’s mail, so I had to fret for two days before I could confirm that yes, it was a clerical error and all was well), and under it all my constant fear that I am so horribly unqualified for this job of wife and mother and Responsible Adult and that I am making a mess of my children’s lives, and our financial life, and . . . you get the picture.

So the painting was a nice break. Two weekends of watching the roller cover the walls, turning our house back into something nice, a place I like to be. Two weekends of Wade shuttling our kids to soccer and playdates and making their lunch and searching for their shoes and trying to keep them from jumping on or off of the furniture and each other. It was good to have time to myself that didn’t feel frivolous. I was doing something for our family, but all by myself. Like therapy, but cheaper and with immediate results.

I’ve also been recycling–pulling things out of one room and moving them to another. I’m not usually good at this; I have a hard time imagining things in other places, and I’m too damn lazy to move them around. Plus all those home shows suggest that you start by emptying the room–you know, TAKING ALL THE FURNITURE OUT. And putting it where, I always wonder? And so instead of even trying, I usually just go and buy something new (and then lay awake at night worrying about how much I have spent and whether we really even need the new thing and . . . ). But not this time–this time I have triumphed. I took the mirrors off our antique bedroom set and propped them on the mantel in the family room. Ta da! To my surprise, it looks fantastic; the mirrors are framed in cherry, and have a cool Gothic-ish shape. And best of all: it was FREE! Hooray! So now I feel thrifty and industrious, which satisfies the Puritan side of me, and I am happy in my house, which satisfies the Pottery Barn side of me. One more room to paint and I may actually start to love my life again.

It’s a lot to hope for, isn’t it?